“The pit you dig is very big you see!
Then again it could come back to thee!
So remember that chain of events now!
What goes, comes back and how!”
Read these three incidents and you will get to know the common link between them!
A wife attempting to frame her husband as violent so she could elope with her lover!
Another spouse alleging that her pub-owning husband was an alcoholic in order to leave him and take control of the pub!
A retirement home manager who gave laxatives to a resident before referring her to a psychiatric hospital for slight dementia and incontinence!
This manipulative perception of reality is called Gaslighting!
It is the trend and in the recent times it is very serious!
read on!
We all know how children tell stories to escape punishment or even for entertainment!
I know of my cousin who as a child claimed that he saw an elephant lay egg!
Telling innocent stories is quite all right since that shows great imagination but (he he!) as you get older the stories seem more real and then the differentiation between the reality and the imagination is left to imagination!
Like in the novel The devotion of Suspect x or the movie Dhrishyam; people start even believing the ‘truth’ what the hero wants them to believe!
This is especially so when the person who makes this is very intelligent and perceptive which is a dangerous combination indeed!
This is where Gaslighting comes into play!
Gaslighting is a colloquialism, defined as manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality!
The expression, which derives from the title of the 1944 film Gaslight, has become popular now though the usage is now much more wide!
In the age of social media posts and reels; the demarcation between real and reel is a big issue!
The term originates in the 1938 British play Gaslight by Patrick Hamilton. The play was adapted into a 1940 film in the UK, Gaslight, which was remade as in the US as the 1944 film Gaslight!
The theme was to portray a seemingly genteel husband using lies and manipulation to isolate his heiress wife and persuade her that she is mentally ill so that he can steal from her!
One of the husband’s tricks is to secretly dim and brighten the indoor gas lighting, insisting his wife is imagining it! This is where the name comes from!
In the recent times the relationship between partners has been an issue with Gaslighting coming into the forefront!
Gaslighting is now a strategy that is intended to break down the trust you have in your memory, instincts and self-esteem. It can make you doubt yourself and depend more on the “objective” perspective of your partner – while in reality, they are taking care of only their best interests!
There are apparently different types of gaslighting…
Outright Lying is the first where the abuser lies to their victim even when there’s evidence to the contrary. Then you have Coercive gaslighting which involves using force, punishment, or threats to manipulate the victim.
Then you have the Scapegoat gaslighting when the gaslighter deflects blame onto someone else to avoid having to take responsibility or to escape damage to their relationship, reputation, or power!
You also have the questioning of reality! Which is also known as reality manipulation, and this type of gaslighting is especially harmful to the victim’s mental health, because it sows self-doubt and confusion. Finally you have the Trivializing which refers to minimizing or dismissing the victim’s feelings, accomplishments, or experiences.
It has been suggested to be an abusive behaviour and can be a sign of more frequent and worsening abuse to come.
In this context you must know about DARVO!
DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim Offender!
It’s a series of actions used by a perpetrator as a defence mechanism when their unkind behaviour is questioned or called out. It works to confuse you and your sense of reality!
The first is of course Denying your memory or perception of an event which obviously is gas lighting. Denying can be direct or with a story with added created incidents.
Then comes the attack that tries to break down your credibility and finally comes the blame shifting. This is where the perpetrator manages to make you out as the one at fault!
Guess when a term introduced in the 1920s gets famous in more than a hundred years later, you often wonder whether you have progressed or regressed! Its all gas! But it’s all talent when it comes to celebrity Usha Uthup!
Now turn off the light and sleep!
Shubh ratri!
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